Posted by from1to10moviereviews on July 20, 2012 at 10:25 AM


Soccer is without a doubt the "world sport." Americans like myself may not care much about it, but no one can deny the absolute pandemonium that erupts during soccer games around the globe. There is more passion coming out of the stands than any sport, and it's no longer that full length movies are devoted to soccer fan warfare (ex. Green Street Hooligans).


My problem with soccer is what happens on the field itself. I do not know when it became popular to lightly bump into someone and then wildly throw oneself in the opposite direction, but it needs to stop. Now. Some people actually defend this, saying that it's "part of the game," which is like saying steroids are part of baseball, or released shitty rap singles is part of the NBA. It's a crock. Faking injuries like this, or flopping, reminds me of children playing outside and pretending to get shot in an invisible battle. But these are paid athletes who have the adoration of millions of fans. There is absolutely no excuse for a player to be dribbling along, have no one touch him, and then plummet to the ground, clutching his knee with a pained face so dramatic it would make a Spanish soap opera star blush.

After watching the debacle that was last year's World Cup, I compiled a short list of the flops I witnessed.






1. The Basic = player is speeding along, brushes against another, and then falls to the ground.



2. The Invisible Stick = player is approaching the goal, and once in the area where a penalty shot can be awarded, his legs crisscross and he awkwardly tumbles to the ground, as if tripped by an invisible stick since no one is near him.



3. The Buckshot = when two or more players are running together, like the Flying V of the Mighty Ducks, except they all throw themselves forwards and skid across the grass in one synchronized play.



4. The Plummet = a player is standing still, gets tapped by another player or ball, and buckles to the ground.



5. The Duel = two players of opposite teams bump into each other, and both fall backwards, trying to outdo each other in the agony on their faces while the ref tries to decide who to penalize.



6. The Seizure = a player uses any of the above flop techniques, yet completely loses their shit and starts cartwheeling across the field.


I'm sure there are more. What's funny is that despite the high amount of xenophobia in America, some cultural fads from other nations always carry over to the states. Like Pokemon and British bands. To go back in time, I would have guessed that out of America's top sports, Baseball would have been first to fall to flopping. But no, it was the NBA. Go on Youtube and look up "NBA flops" and you'd be amazed what you will see. Basketball is the epitome of athletes who think they're better than they actually are, yet it is also where you'll see the most pathetic flopping in America. It isn't even a high-contact sport. You dribble, shoot, layup and dunk. There aren't balls flying at 90 mph or Fat Albert Haynesworth blocking the sun. You're shooting hoops. And worse, the refs are accepting these as real penalties. What's going on?



This is why I watch the NFL. The worst they do is....well....shoot people.


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